Battleship – Review

Battleship – Review

Review by FilmFellaJames – 6/10

Got a couple of hours to kill on a Saturday afternoon?  Wanna chomp popcorn and have a laugh?  Battleship is the film for you then.

The story follows Alex Hopper, Taylor Kitsch, (loved him in John Carter) as he bungles into the rank of Captain against all odds, utilising a couple of mega warships in battle to outwit and out shoot an alien menace determined to destroy our planet.  Sound familiar?  Let me continue.  The Aliens have picked up a signal that we sent out into deep space with the help of a powerful amplifier docked just outside our planet. What follows is an assault on the senses, particularly hearing, as decibel crunching special effects literally explode all over the place shattering the skull and forcing elderly viewers to shit their pants, it is that loud and brash.  So far so good then.

Battleship is a mash-up of others in the same category as Armageddon, Pearl Harbour and Independence Day.  It is unforgiving in its exploitation of slow motion, cgi and sound effects.  It’s everything you could hope for if you have $200 million to just flush down the pan.  I liked its gusto.

This is a boys film. It has all of the ingredients that others under the Hasbro brand incorporate.  It has a pair of hunks in the lead roles, they are brothers, the other half of the Hopper duo played by Alexander Skarsgard, who wants his little bro to fulfil his potential by getting him to join the Navy, a place where big boats, big guns and later big boobies gather in appreciation of a hero ready to save the world.  The boobies are provided adequately in the shapely forms of Brooklyn Decker and Rhianna, the latters inclusion in this film almost put me off, I still went though because I love it when shit gets blown up.  The explosions are numerous.  There are many.  Many many explosions.    200 million dollars worth of explosions.  That’s a lot of explosions.

Leading the bit part roles is Liam Neeson, who actually vanishes for an hour or so and some nerdy science types.  There is also a dude with no legs, determined to walk about on a mountain with Taylors girlfriend, cant blame him really, if you have seen Just Go With It, you will understand why he wants to hang out with her.  Then there are the aliens, humanoid in form with mad crazy beard action and flash suits of protective armour that shields them from sunlight, which they don’t like, ooh an Achilles heal, lets hope our hero capitalises on this.  Oh wait, of course he does.  This movie is chock full of ‘of course they do’ action, because essentially this is an effects driven action spectacle.  Why bother with a script, after all, it’s based on a board game.  Lets hope we see some of that game play in the movie, oh wait, silly me, of course you do, with the help of Captain Nagata, Tadanobu Asano, who figures this out because the radar is down.  It’s genius really.  Trust me.

Say what you like about Peter Berg, the fellow behind this extraterrestrial extravaganza, I think he is one talented mother fucker.  He made The Kingdom and Hancock and is an actor as well.  You would recognise him if you looked him up on IMDB.  I liked the way he went about making this one in particular though.  Sure it’s a no brainer popcorn flick, but its well produced, or rather well manufactured.  If your going to spend a massive budget on blowing stuff up and your not Michael Bay, then do it like this.  He and Emmerich should get together and make a film, it would be gargantuan and insane.

This movie is a 13 year old boys wet dream.  It’s fantastical, over the top and completely without subtlety.  If you wanna sit and groan about how predictable it is, how badly written it is and how stupid it is then you would be wasting your time because this film clearly doesn’t give a shit about any of those things, it’s just mad fun and should be viewed with that mentality.  I loved it, maybe you will too, despite that goddam Rhianna being in it with her one word contributions and token phrases, she wasn’t all that bad and that’s saying something.  Well done Mr Berg, I’m looking forward to Hancock 2.  Rock on.

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About filmfellajames
Film critic and blogger, part time rap master, loves UNITED!!!

One Response to Battleship – Review

  1. Steve Lane says:

    I liked it Jim, saw it tonight, very decent. Could’ve been a bit more about the exploration of space but then I think that maybe just my geekyness shining through. 6.5/10 for me

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