This Means War – Review

This Means War – Review

Review by FilmFellaLozz – 4.5/10

After a run of music videos for various artists in the late 90’s, McG seemed to not only have the silliest name in Hollywood, but be the best candidate to reboot Charlie’s Angels. He did that, and it was a bit shit…..and then he did the sequel. But then some news comes up about him and the Terminator franchise. This brings back bad memories of Rise of the Machines. But against every part of my being wanting to hate Terminator Salvation, I didn’t. I actually quite liked it. So, McG had my attention. But just when you think a director has evolved and is ready to take on something new, he goes n’ fucks it up by making This Means War. This. Was. Shit.

So, you got two spies. They’re partners. One’s the cheeky chap ladies man. The other is the wet lettuce who is ready to get on the dating scene again (Chris Pine and Tom Hardy respectively). Problem: they both fall for the same woman (Reese Witherspoon), who dates them both, not knowing they know each other, pitting one against the other. They know though, because they’re spies n’ all. The stupid love triangle ensues. I think I was a little bit sick in my mouth just then. So, it’s another woeful attempt at romantic comedy. It is not romantic. It is not funny. It doesn’t even have any spy-like action.

Tom Hardy is making his name in Hollywood. Got that. After appearing in Inception and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, and then starring in Warrior, I thought, right, this guy knows what he’s doing; dabbling in this and that, showing himself off as a serious actor. But then to go n’ choose to be a no-dimensional character in this is a bit disappointing. I know the pay check was probably just dingle dangling in front of his face, plus getting to suck Reese Witherspoon’s face off is an attractive prospect – but with all this considered, it was still a bunk move. Bad Tom.

I haven’t seen this Chris Pine guy in anything, other than Star Trek a few years back. He looks the part, you know. And he plays being a twat rather well. But he was a bit of tosser in Star Trek too, so I’m wondering if there’s gonna be any diversity on the way from him. With all this in mind, considering these two being the leads n’ all, they don’t do a bad job as the buddy buddy cop duo. Ok, they’re spies (which is debatable), but the banter works….to an extent.

I said that the fact these two characters are spies is questionable simply because they don’t really do anything that’s spy-esque. Sure, they put mics and cameras about. Watching and listening in on their mate having their way with the girl in order to lay down the kibosh when things look like they’re getting steamy, fine. But that’s it. They don’t do any crazy Jack Bauer shit or anything. Not even any Jason Bourne shit. It’s lo-key shit shit for the sake of this movie essentially being a rom-com, and nothing else. There is a sub-plot whereby there is baddie who’s brother inadvertently dies in the opening scene. Then, pretty much no mention of him until the very end…..where of course the girl needs saving.

Witherspoon’s girl-in-the-middle is just kind of annoying. She just strings the two of them along, giving plus points for this n’ that. And taking some away for the negative attributes. Right….Tuck’s (Hardy) only bad point apparently is that he is British! This is even though she tells him to his face, earlier on, that she could listen to his accent all day or something or other. This suggests to me that she is mental or a bare-faced liar. Either way, she’s not really that likeable at all. Smile all you like, Witherspoon, with your humongous mouth; it doesn’t make me like you. Well, the character; but she can do better than this – the evidence was her role in Walk the Line! If she had to comment on anything, it should’ve been Hardy’s teeth or Pine’s massive hair.

This Means War isn’t very good and kinda frustrated me. It has a premise that was never going to be good, but it’s not the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Hardy: Pull your socks up; you’re better than this. (Check out Bronson if you haven’t already seen it.) Pine: Do something about your eyebrows. Witherspoon: Stop smiling yourself through a movie. McG: Do better.

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7 Responses to This Means War – Review

  1. chris says:

    So wrong! You missed the point totally, pine and hardy bounced well off each other, Witherspoon the perfect cute distraction. It works, no one wants oscar winners everytime, lighten up.

    • Filmfella Lozz says:

      Chris, thanks for your comment. However, I wonder what the point actually was. You know, the one that I’ve missed? I did mention that the banter between them worked, so we agree. The Oscars can kiss my ass by the way; and there was me thinking that the review was actually quite lighthearted.

  2. Mark Walker says:

    Great review man. I chortled my way through it. I didn’t fancy this film at all but I do like Hardy. I think I’ll definitely stay away though, you have more than competently ripped this piece of shut apart.

    • Filmfella Lozz says:

      Mark, really appreciated. Thank you. Completely agree about Hardy. He was great in Bronson. Have you seen it? I hope he’s a bit more picky over his roles after this tripe, though.

      • Mark walker says:

        Bronson was the first time I came across Hardy. He was absolutely superb in it. I knew back then that he would become an actor to watch. He’s got a real intensity to his acting and even though I’ve not seen This Is War, I was surprised he would even choose such a role. It doesn’t seem fitting for him.

  3. Kevin says:

    I think this film could have learnt a lot from True Lies. True Lies had all the ingredients – comedy, action, romance AND some proper spy-like behaviour from the big man himself. Maybe I’m showing my new ’30’ age bracket, but they don’t make’em like they used to!

    • filmfellajames says:

      Yea, I enjoyed this lo lo. But then you would say, of course I did. It was a bit clunky in the beginning tho. The three main roles could have been played by anyone so I dunno why Hardy especially picked this one up. Mind you if I was him, fancied some monies and have fun in the process with legally blonde and Captain Kirk, I would have. Just sayin. Nice review tho, it made me laugh. Yo

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