Top 10 Awesome Items from the Movies

I WANT ONE!!!

Tis the season of the movie awards, fa la la la la la la la la.  Be it the Globes, the BAFTA’s or the Oscars, it’s all looking very shiny and elite, this time of year.  This is the period of the year where smarty pants films get fondled and caressed like the egos of the stars that populate them.  A time when the cream of cinema is celebrated and later adorned with statues of gold.  A time when the precious few emerge from the art they have smothered themselves in all year round and then vote in favour of the ‘truly deserving’.  A boring, boring time.

I’m not going to get all fluffed up and nauseous debating the merits of stuff like the Descendants or The Artist, nope, not me.  I’m choosing to celebrate something altogether different, something, interesting, fun and important.  I therefore choose to celebrate cool shit from films we all wish we owned, or, to put it specifically, I’m doing a list!!!

Feel free to contribute your own votes, as this is the vote for the people, by the people, (actually to reiterate, in this instance specifically, by, me) in celebration of cool shit.  Nuff said…ONWARD!!!!

10. Movie:  PredatorItem:  That “ugly mothafuckers” Weaponry.

Ever felt like you wanted to just look at your boss and  vaporise him/her?  I have, and if I could I would choose the Predators Bio Helmet/Plasma Caster to get the job done!  Helmet and Plasma Caster – For when you absolutely, positively gots ta kill shit just by looking at it.

For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, probably because you have been living in a cave like Osama, the Plasma Caster is a mounted and lightweight ass kicking weapon capable of firing multiple long-range energy bursts of charged molten plasma.  That shit will fuck you up something fierce. The power of the plasma burst can be adjusted manually, ranging from a small shot O plasma to a whoop ass fire bolt of plasma carnage capable of blowing a hole in the side of a reinforced nuclear bunker.

One can control the Plasma Caster by utilising a targeting system located in the helmet, which would make you look proper bad ass when wearing it. (It also acts as breathing apparatus when under water, should you wish to pick a fight with a great white and become the unquestioned champion of the oceans, and, it is chock full of locator Tech.  You can use it to track shit just by moving your noggin.)

Not enough?  Still want more?  Adjust the Laser Sight of the caster with the Helmet to increase targeting capacity.  If your noggins had a flogging cause you have engaged in some close combat fisty cuffs and the in-helmet target system has failed, then fear not it can be operated manually too!  Why not combine the weaponry by buying some active camouflage?  It’s the ultimate in stealth technology people, because it bends light waves around a cloaked you, making you practically invisible to your boss when you walk up behind him/her and melt his/her head.  Bring it bitches!!!!

Technological advantages offered by the helmet includes…

1. Filtering many, MANY, different visual settings such as Infra-red, Ultraviolet, Thermal Imaging, Low-Light Amplification, Electromagnetic Field Detection and Air Density Pressure – movement.

2. Additional vision modes include various diagnostic functions, to determine the health status of organic targets. BUT THERE IS MORE.

3. Why not ‘pimp yo helmet’ to include X-ray scanners, Microwave scanners, Magnetometer and a Geiger Counter, just for kicks.

4. Wanna wait for your boss to vacate the premises?  Wanna let that wanker walk away feeling safe?  Then let them walk and then shoot them, from distance, with the built-in targeting and tracking system for the shoulder-mounted Plasma Caster, it will work better than your Nikon and when you shoot, your blowing up the street!!  Yea Boi!!!

Mmmmmm Predator stuff.

9. Movie:  The Lord of the RingsItem:  The One Ring (My Precccccioussss)

If you wanna be hardcore like Sauron, then this is your must have item.  It rules them all, it also makes you invisible, allows you to live a long long time, makes you capable of reading minds, allows the wearer to control the will of others and if you have any latent superpowers you haven’t yet fully realised, this bad boy will amplify that shit, oh yeah.  As long as you can outwit Sauron and keep it secret without encouraging his Nazgul to rape you on top of a mountain, your laughing mate!

Forged within Mount Doom in Mordor, where they make all the best evil rings, the one ring has all of the malevolence you would expect in a quality boutique evil item.  Its silky texture is embedded with some old school middle earth rap (One ring to rule them all/one ring to find them/One ring to bring them all/and in the darkness bind them.) that will make the ladies blush.  It will really make you stand out as a man about town, equipped with the kind of power that would put the Schwartz ring from Spaceballs in the shade.

The only draw back to owning the ring is the risk.  Its a very very risky item to have as not only does it encourage the weaker willed to kill in moments of passion, just ask Smeagol, this could put you on the radar for the cops to chase you down, especially if they are driven by the will of Sauron which I suspect they already are.  However, saying that, if you run conflict diamonds in and out of war torn African countries, this should be easy peasy stuff for you.  Thought Isildur was a pussy?  Take on the one ring for yourself.  You will be glad you did, sort of.

8. Movie:  AliensItem:  The Power Loader Exoskeleton.

Got some heavy shit that needs moving and you wanna do it in style without breaking your back?  You can now because they went and made the Power Loader from the movie Aliens, so now you can enjoy hassle free movings.  Nice.

Recently I happened upon this story in Popular Science and it made me squeal in delight.  The downer is that it costs in excess of $230.000.00.  Bad times.

The Power Loader was one of the coolest things in the Alien movies, I love that this Tech has been made real by science nerds as well.  Nice one nerds.  Just goes to show, James Cameron is the shizz.

7. Movie:  The NeverEnding StoryItem:  The NeverEnding Story Book.

This is a guilty pleasure for me since many of you may feel this is a lame inclusion to my list.  Fuck you if you do because this is the first of a few items from my childhood movie watchings that I desired, to be included in this list.

The NeverEnding Story is a classic tale about a boy who gets involved, literally, with the goings on in a magical place called Fantasia within a book beautifully accessorised with the Auryn, a magical medallion that Steven Spielberg now keeps in his office.  Seriously, he has it.  The rich, well connected bastard, whom I adore.

Now if your a big kid like me and your bored and you fancy a read that will tele-port you into a realm besieged by the ‘Nothing’ then this is the item for you.  It’s a bit weighty and probably smells a bit odd, but good grief, how exciting it would be to own this superb book of magic.

It has everything, drama, comedy, action and passion.  It has a Rock Biter, a Falkor and a pair of Sphinxes with boobies.  Rock on!!  WARNING:  Mr Koreander says its “not safe” but if your feeling reckless and you wanna get involved like Bastian did then, go ahead and flip the cover of the NeverEnding Story.

6. Movie:  Live and Let Die. (or lots of Bond Films)  Item:  The Rolex Submariner.

Mmmm, butter fo yo wrist.

This model is just B.E.A.Utiful and its equipped with a powerful electromagnet that deflects bullets and undresses the ladies and a spinning bezel that acts as a cutting disk, useful for when you have a damsel in distress to save and your tied up with rope.

Sexy, elegant and multi functional, one can actually own one similar to this for around $12, 950.00.

Why have I included this in the list when there are many, many, many other cool Bond gadgets that deserve mention?  Because I like this one, its my list.  Have a look at the top of the blog for more clarification beatch!

The top 5 is fast approaching.  Thought of anything in a film you really really wished you owned?  How about these?…

5. Movie:  Back to the FutureItem:  The DeLorean Time Machine with Flux Capacitor.

“Roads?” Where we’re going, we don’t need roads!”

Oh yes, this would be a worthwhile item to have.  Time Travel in style.  Slightly hazardous if your aiming for the future (where you can pick up a sports almanac to bring back to the present so you can become a millionaire every day.  That’s the ticket right there.) because you could end up in a wall at 88 miles an hour if you don’t know what is there to meet you, in a DeLorean.  Good times, however will surely flow from the awesome stuff you could see if you had a DeLorean.  Visit ancient Rome, Shoot Hitler in the face, re-visit a high school bully and kick them in the balls?  Why the hell not?  I suspect this is why DeLorean as a business hit on hard times.  People wanted a time machine but ended up with what was in reality, a shit sports car made of pig iron that looked awesome.  The DeLorean in real terms, did what it said on its tin looking frame, but, yeah, nice frame.

I debated the inclusion of the UFO ship in the Flight of the Navigator instead of the DeLorean but figured, what would happen if I travelled to space?  I would probably fuck something up.  I mean I know lots about Space, but nowhere near enough to challenge a NASA Scientist or Brian Cox and those fellas only know what humans know on earth, shit might be different further away, more crazy shit we haven’t even fathomed.  I’m driving a space Buick and I don’t know what I’m doing and to be honest, I would probably crash.  I like to go fast sometimes a bit too much, but, in space I would be a reckless asshole.  I would be shooting around more randomly at pace than an over zealous porn star on Viagra at an orgy.  I know lots about space, but not enough.  It would be too much for me in a craft like that, anyway I have a solution for that in at number 4.

The question of the choice of items from the Back to the Future franchise was one that reared its head in the office when I declared, “Jim, (to my mate Jim, he is also named James) what do you reckon you would want if you could have, for real, from the Back To The Future movies?” To which he replied,  “Hoverboard.”  I thought about it for a while, nice choosings, but for me the choice was the DeLorean.  With the DeLorean Time Machine with Flux Capacitor, you could just get a hoverboard.  Its also incidentally my choice of Time Machine generally.  Bad luck Dr, Who?  Exactly.

4. Movie:  Green LanternItem:  The Green Lantern and Power Ring.

Working as one, the Power Ring and the Green Latern make one hell of an item double act.  Remove your fear and you could be enveloped by the all conquering power of will harnessed within a Green Suit.

The decision behind choosing this when one would have a mountain of gadgets at your disposal scattered throughout the comic book universe, is simple.  Any idiot can enjoy it.  Just look at Hal Jordan.  The power behind the science, as they would have you believe it rather than magic, of this item is such, that it is literally fired by the imagination and ones own pure will.  This is because the suit uses will to be able to do the following.  Its a list within a list, this shit is awesome.

So what can the Power Ring/Green Lantern enable the one wearing it to achieve…

1. Force field generation, similar to Superman’s aura, for shielding one from the rigours of the vacuum of space, it helps ya breathe too.

2. Need mental “earplugs” to block out telepathic communication and manipulation?  You got it.

3. Can create a superb light show. Jean Michel Jarre eat your heart out.

4. Flight, at speeds beyond that of light, if you fancy it, oh yeah.

5. Teleportation for when you wanna move about the Galaxy while blinking.

6. It has a data base of info about loads of shit that can be accessed.

7. Universal translation capabilities, no need to struggle speaking Japanese or clearing the snot off your upper lip trying to speak welsh.

8. It has a fancy Blackberry Messenger type function that lets the wearer get in touch with others wearing a Lantern Power Ring.  For free.  Goodbye minutes.

9. Diagnostic functions.  Helps you figure out stuff all around you.

10. Wanna Know what’s goin on in your ladies head like, Mel Gibson in What Women Want?  This has Telepathy, built in as standard.  Can also be used on the dead.

11. Need to give up smoking?  This has Hypnosis functions.  Useful.

12. You can make humans go in and out of suspended animation.  Like the remote control from Click with Adam Sandler abusing the Hoff.

13. Change yourself or your opponent into rock (or anything of your choice really) or the latter into jelly:

14. Move through solid objects?  Yeah.

15. Invisibility.

16. Healing and immunity powers.  Like Jesus.

17. Create your own world and live in it, would probably be very green though, so you should like Green I guess.

18. Shape Shifting.

19. Bring stuff to life.

I think I made my point.

3. Movie:  ZathuraItem:  Zathura Board Game.

Forget X-Box or PS3, you could genuinely have more fun playing this, an awesome board game.

I love space, so I trumped for this over Jumanji, the predecessor.  I come from Africa so the stuff in Jumanji is awesome, but it’s nevertheless stuff you can go see and experience anyway.  Space though, well that’s something altogether different.  Even if you saved a wedge to go on one of Branson’s flights you still would only be going to outskirts of our planet.  This board game could take you, in relative safety, to the deep reaches of space, where Captain Kirk and Spock venture regularly.  This would be immense.  You could boldly go, over and over again.  Amazing.

The tag-line ain’t lying either, adventure is surely waiting if you dare.  Imagine dodging Asteroid fields, chasing away scavenger alien lizards and accelerating away from the gravitational pull of the sun.  That’s epic, that’s Zathura!!!

2. Movie:  Star Wars episodes:  4, 5, 6Item:  Darth Vaders Lightsabre.

It had to be really.  Darth Vader’s Lightsabre.  Nothing says don’t underestimate the power of the dark side quite like this.  Ever since I was a boy my fascination with Star Wars was always driven by Darth Vader.  A scary dude with a sinister mask that didn’t take shit from anyone.  His weapon of choice, the Lightsabre.

As a fallen Jedi, Darth Vader epitomised the guy who let himself be taken over by the forces of the dark side, in stark contrast to Luke who harnessed the power of good.  Anakin chose the other side of the coin and immortalised himself in the process.

Darth Vader however, in this humble filmfellas opinion, offered more than Luke, who seemed one dimensional to me.  Vader was far more interesting as a character and his abilities projected through his mastery of the lightsabre really encompassed the dynamics of the dark hero he ultimately became.  He owned the Emperor in the end, despite all of the carnage the Emperor reigned down upon him, Vader’s will compelled it so and ultimately he returned back into the embrace of the force.  He eventually became a Jedi once more, casting off the shackles of the Sith once and for all.

The Lightsabre as wielded by Vader also struck a chord of fear within any other who would dare challenge him.  The red blade of fire, the symbolism and magic. It left an indelible mark on my imagination.  Therefore Darths Lightsabre, specifically, makes it into the top portion of my list, because it is more than a laser sword its the choice of one of my heroes, Darth ‘mofuggin’ Vader.

1. Movie;  GhostbustersItem:  The Proton Pack.

“Heat ’em up, Make ’em hard, Let’s show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown… THROW IT!”

These are the words I used to shout when at the bottom of my garden aged 7, while wearing my dads work overalls and the vacuum cleaner pipe contraption he made for me out of household items that as far as I was concerned, was my very own Proton Pack.

I loved this movie and I loved the Proton Pack, the ultimate in nerd technology, a weapon manufactured under the watchful eye of advanced science, a weapon that could wrangle and capture ghosts, the very things that made kids scared when I was a lad.  With one of these you didn’t have to be afraid, cause as you all know when there’s something bad, in the neighbourhood, who ya gonna call?  Ghostbusters!!  Armed with a Proton Pack the Ghostbusters shone a light in the dark and when things went bump in the night, they could bump back with one of these bad boys.

I could get all technical with this one, but I will let the wiki-link do it for me at the end of this blog because, when I was a boy, I didn’t really understand how it worked, I just knew I wanted one, above everything else, this is my Number One.  What’s yours?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proton_pack

@FilmfellaJames.  P.S. Coming soon, my top 10 Shit Items from the Movies.

About filmfellajames
Film critic and blogger, part time rap master, loves UNITED!!!

8 Responses to Top 10 Awesome Items from the Movies

  1. Taffy Manc says:

    Good choices (even the Neverending Story) but I’d probably have chosen the pedal cars or splurge gun from Bugsy Malone. Always wanted to be in that film as a kid. Ah…

  2. Filmfellajames says:

    Taffy Manc. Firstly mate, UNITED!!!! Secondly, great movie great items, Bugsy was awesome! I have fired a Tommy Gun when I was a kid, nearly list control of it and sprayed the side wall of the shooting range before being told off by an angry boer (South African Dutchman) for “wrecking his baby”! So it could have made the list had it not scared the shit out of me as a lad. Lol.
    Thanks for the comment. Yo

  3. filmfellaDarren says:

    Very entertaining and unique read James. It sounds like something that Randal and Dante might have discussed in Clerks, and what you wrote here would have made a far better basis for a script than what happened in Clerks 2. The moment I started reading this, i was saying to myself: ‘ hoverboard from Back to the future… come on, hoverboard from Back to the future. Sure, there are more exciting things in the movies, but, the hoverboard always struck me as something quite practical and plausible, in the future at least… and yet here we are in the future, it is the year 2012, and still hoverboards are not even on the drawing board; the height of our technology is a fucking i-phone4. I would never buy an i-phone 4, but i would buy a hoverboard. And i’m sure the world feels the same. So get to it scientists, design a hoverboard and save the world economy. We are in the future now. What happened to all that great futuristic shit we were promised?

  4. filmfellaDarren says:

    Me again Jim, this article has really got me thinking. This isn’t a gadget from a movie, but a television show. I always wanted the little handheld device that Al had in Quantum leap. I think a device that can tell you the probability of whether shit will go right or wrong would be very useful for getting to a positive outcome and avoiding catastrophe. Today for instance, that little device would have said to me that there is a 97% chance that if you drive your motorbike in the rain, you will fall and roll across the road six times. If i had that device, maybe I would have avoiding a motorbike crash and then I wouldn’t have a fucking fractured wrist and a badly bruised arm.

  5. As far back as I can remember I always wanted an AT-AT walker! Traffic jam? What traffic jam? Stomp! I lived in a first floor flat a few years ago and thought that it would be the perfect height to park my AT-AT outside; or at the very least an AT-ST, then I could jump in the top!

  6. filmfellahenry says:

    For me, I’d have to choose the humble Pulse Rifle from Aliens. Simple to use, deadly to fire and boasts all the ’80’s industrial panache that James Cameron infused my childhood with. You can even find out how to build one at: http://www.m41a.com/

    As a second, I’d go with a copy of the Necronomicon. I mean, who wouldn’t want endless daemonic power at their fingertips?

  7. Filmfella Lozz says:

    I’d like one of those bone swords from Brotherhood of the Wolf, that Vincent Cassel wields at the end. Regarding Back to the Future; I think Nike actually made self tie-up sneakers last year called McFlys or something!

  8. steven says:

    I wanna be able to bend bullets, an shoot bullets out of the sky, the whole, panic attack thing he goes through an his senses focus an he’s a ninja in wanted 🙂

    brotherhood of the wolf, is freaking epic, that sword is sweet, love how violent that guy turns out to be after the real bad part of the movie 😦

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