The Hits and Shits of… Nicolas Cage

The Hits and Shits of… Nicolas Cage

Nicolas Cage can act. He has proven to be a very competent character actor in some great movies. However, much the same as Samuel L. Jackson, his choice of movie and character is all over the place. I dunno if he flicks a coin or does a bit of Eeny Meeny Miny Moe or whether he is simply a pay check whore. But surely, at this stage of his career, he doesn’t need the money. Together with the fact, he still occasionally appears in good movies. So, the reason why he chooses to be in some of the most atrocious pieces of shit is beyond me. He is even in 2 movies out this month (Seeking Justice and the Ghost Rider sequel); both of which look total bunk. I get that he could quite possibly have the worst hair in Hollywood; but this can’t be a deciding factor, can it? No it can’t. My conclusion is that Nic Cage should only be in movies where he can wear a hat or helmet or baseball cap or bandana or crown or maybe an authentic Native American head adornment. So, as we can see, he still has a fair few options available. Anyway, below are just some movies that have been the hits and some that have been the shits of Mr. Nicolas Cage.

The Hits

Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

Nicolas Cage won an Oscar for his role in this as a man who sells everything he owns, moves to Vegas to spend his money on drinking himself to death. He then falls in love with a hooker (Elizabeth Shue). He doesn’t want her to hook. She doesn’t want him to kill himself. The drama ensues. A miserable premise, but at points, strangely uplifting. Cage plays the alcoholic with a master craftsmanship. Since this movie, the earliest movie on the list, he has never achieved anything close to being this good.

Con Air (1997)

With stupid long, curly locks, Cage pulls it off as an action superstar with a southern drawl. He’s a kick-ass marine who’s come home to his hummingbird, gets into a scuffle with some twats at a bar and ends up killing one of em’. So, after years in prison, he’s on a plane full of convicts, hitching a ride back home. The cons take over the plane. Oh no. Cue Nic saving the day in slow-mo and spouting silly dialogue. A really fun watch with a great baddie in the form of John Malkovich; it’s a guilty pleasure. ‘Put the bunny back in the box’!

‘Put the bunny back in the box’!

Adaptation (2002)

Charlie Kauffman, the (real life) screenwriter was tasked with adapting a novel about a rare orchid collector. In order to write something that was a little different to a normal adaptation, he wrote a movie about him writing the movie. But he creates a fictional identical twin brother who is excelling at writing screenplays; whom he is a little bit jealous of. It’s a nuts concept, but Nic Cage plays both brothers excellently. Bar Leaving Las Vegas, it’s probably his best role.

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (2009)

Not the best of movies, but Cage is very good in it. He’s a good cop, just not a particularly good human being. There’s something about being coked up, fucked up, whatever it is; he’s got it down. (He’s also off his tits in Bringing Out the Dead, which is another good performance). Lieutenant is one of his better roles of recent years.

Kick-Ass (2010)

Nic Cage is Big Daddy, a Batman-esque vigilante. He dons a cape and black helmet mask and fights crime, but in a kitsch Adam West kinda way. He is fully aware of how tongue-in-cheek this character is, but it shows that he can have fun with a role without it being a shit one. This is the last good part he played, and even then it was only a supporting role.

The Shits

(I will need to be forgiven for not having a full memory of the following as I have tried all I can to eradicate the experiences of watching them from my being.)

The Wicker Man (2006)

I’m gonna leave this one to the user reviews on IMDB:

‘The Worst Movie I’ve ever seen’

‘Appalling. Awful. Barely coherent’

‘Should have burned the director’

‘What an extraordinary piece of crap’

 ‘Quite possibly the worst film in 3,000 years’

‘So, dire, I think I may need counselling’

‘As intriguing as a dog poop moustache’

And my personal favourite goes a little something like this:

‘A good friend who was beaten and molested as a child said this film was the worst experience of his life’

My word, Nic. What were you thinking?!

Ghost Rider (2007)

Cage is Johnny Blaze, a stunt bike rider, who gives up his soul to the Devil in order to become a flame skulled vigilante. I mean, that premise alone should’ve been enough to put him off, but no. At least, due to the CGI skull head, he didn’t have to worry too much about his hair. Plus, what have we done, as an audience to deserve another one of these flaming pieces of crap? February 2012 sees Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. Whoopdidoo!

Next (2007)

Some of the worst Nic Cage hair on show here. He is a Las Vegas magician who can some how see what’s gonna happen next, before it happens, of course. Plagued with this curse(?), he is pursued by some government types to help prevent a terrorist attack. It’s just shit isn’t it! Not even Jessica Biel’s eye candy could do anything for this. 2007: Cage’s worst year.

2007: Cage’s worst year.

Bangkok Dangerous (2008)

That’s a pretty cool title. Yet sadly and predictably that’s where it ends. Nic is a hitman. And his job takes him to Thailand to take out some unfortunate schmuck. His routine is to hire a streetwise street urchin to navigate the streets, and then put a bullet in his head after he’s done with him. But helpy helper wants to learn the trade, so he trains him. Of course, he does. Plus, he falls for some local gal. Plus, the people who hired him wanna kill him. It’s just one of those occasions where there wasn’t enough for a single plot, so they just threw any old shit in there.

Drive Angry (2011)

Another cool title. Another terrible movie. Cage gets killed by some cult leader. The cult leader takes his daughter and raises her as his own. Cage breaks out of Hell to kill the baddie and save his little girl. But he is being chased down by the Devil’s right hand man, to drag him back down. Giving him a good lookin’ bit of tail in a sub-role (Amber Heard) doesn’t make up for the movie looking like a woeful attempt and completely miserable fail. Violence for violence sake and the tiniest bit of style over no substance means it finds its way into the Nic Cage bowl of movie excrement.

And to finish, I will leave you with a quote from a recent interview on Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance:

“I’m always looking for flawed characters who have a pathos and a kind of tragedy to them.”

Yes, Nic, we know.


6 Responses to The Hits and Shits of… Nicolas Cage

  1. Taffy Manc says:

    Pretty much on the mobey, except for missing Raising Arizona where he pretty much laid out the character of Earl Hickey for him. Awesome film, also featuring Holly Hunter and John Goodman. What’s not to love?

    • Filmfella Lozz says:

      Thanks for the read and comment. Yeah, I was deliberating between Raising Arizona & Con Air. I went with Con Air in the end as I just find it more of a fun watch. And Malkovich is awesome in it too! Plus, it’s one of his most shoddy hair-dos. He does have shit hair, doesn’t he?!

  2. filmfellahenry says:

    I’d add the Hits: Bringing Out The Dead, Wild At Heart, Matchstick Men and Raising Arizona (in agreement Taffy Manc)

  3. Drive Angry is a masterpiece. I love it.

    • Hi Celluloid. Thanks for the comment. I would have to disagree though. The CGI was poor and 3D ridiculous and for the sake of it. William Fichtner was great as the Devil’s gatherer though. But that’s a minor positive in a 104 minute bunch of ass.

      • Drive Angry is right up my street. I was smitten at the sex scene massacre. Nice blog though. When it comes to Nic Cage though my opinion is ridiculous. I love the guy.

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